No Gym Dandy

Welcome to the new me. Though let’s see how long that lasts. I’m getting nowhere peddling on my recumbent bike…literally and physically. Too many distractions while doing it, and too many excuses not to do it.

I think it’s the one exercise where, while you might burn some calories, in the end you’re also developing “secretary spread.” Or as I like to call it, “sedentary spread.” But at least I’m exercising something, right?

I’ve read that riding a stationary bike for twenty minutes is good for the cardio. Thirty? Even better. Yeah, okay. Maybe if you’re in a gym where you’re surrounded by “Body Beautifuls” and you don’t dare skimp on the exercise for fear of looking like a wimp. But at home? Lemme break it down for you as to how far this stationary bike gets you…or in this case, me:

I’m pedaling away and getting tired of watching the DVD I popped into the PlayStation 4:

Elapsed time: 06:58

Calories spent: 6

Getting off the bike:

Elapsed time: :06

Calories spent: 0

Wiping off a bead of sweat from brow but thinking there has to be more than just one sweat ball:

Elapsed time: :02

Calories spent: 0

Bending down to remove the disc:

Elapsed time: :07

Calories spent: .05

Wiping away the other bead of sweat that formed while bending down:

Elapsed time: :02

Calories spent: 0

Walking over to the desk because an “email ping” was heard on my MacBook:

Elapsed time: :08

Calories spent: 0

Opening two emails, reading…and responding because I absolutely, positively gotta have those emails sent overnight:

Elapsed time: 08:33

Calories spent: Absolutely, positively zero.

Walking back over and pacing while scanning the shelves for something I haven’t viewed over twenty times:

Elapsed time: 05:02

Calories spent: 1

Reaching up to get DVD, while exerting effort to dislodge a DVD that’s jammed between other DVD boxes:

Elapsed time: :24

Calories spent: .01

Muscles pulled: 2

Bending down to insert the new disc:

Elapsed time: :07

Calories spent: .05

Muscles pulled: 1

Struggling to get back on the bike with less motivation and more pain than before:

Elapsed time: :15

Calories spent: 7

Pedaling for what seems like foreverrrrrrrrr and my cell phone rings. I stop pedaling to answer a call I really didn’t want to take but figure why the hell not – I have nothing else better to do:

Elapsed time: 04:31

Calories spent: 3

Realizing I’m out of time to exercise, I get off the bike and shut down all equipment:

Elapsed time: :05 (speed mode)

Calories spent: .03

I go inside, kiss my wife and tell her I just completed my exercise…in exactly 25 minutes!

As a reward, I treat myself to three Entenmanns’s Chocolate Chip Cookies while laying down on the couch and watching Sports Jeopardy…to exercise my brain for an additional five minutes. A day well spent, as this brought my total exercise time for the day to thirty.

That deserved an extra Entenmanns’s Chocolate Chip Cookie.